The Afghan Quarterback

HORRIBLY AND SHAMELESSLY STOLEN, IN BROAD INTERTUBE DAYLIGHT, from the guys and gals over at the wonderful site “The Conservative Kitchen Table” due to the massive comedic value this possesses.

Ms. Fay, I am ready for whatever disciplinary action you feel is required. 😉

The Afghan Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then, one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


“I’ve got to get this guy!” coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And, the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old Muslim woman says. “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!”



About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

4 Responses to The Afghan Quarterback

  1. Cdn_Relic says:

    Loved this, too bad it’s almost the truth, lol

  2. ~KC~ says:

    Hey man I loved Detroit… I just never ventured to far West in Detroit but there are some beautiful parts to that city! I spent many a night partying it up in DEEEE-TROIT!

    • Buck says:

      What KC said. I’d prolly still be there if it weren’t for the weather. AND the fact The Second Mrs. Pennington demanded I find another job. It’s a GREAT town, with the BEST hockey team on the planet.

  3. Fay says:

    “Ms. Fay, I am ready for whatever disciplinary action you feel is required.”

    None necessary good sir, I steal from you guys all the time 🙂

    But just for good measure, I sentence you to one Cuban and three Scotch’s

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