Movies that go “BOOM”

This past weekend my friends and I decided that we were going to have a movie marathon in one of our rooms to break up our routine a little. Usually the events that occur on site after hours consists of finding whatever empty spot on either a counter or table to prop ourselves on, massive consumption of libations, and enough shit talking to make a sailor as us guys to take it easy… but this gets old after this has been what constitutes for “fun” for the past three years. Mind you we replaced propping on any open surface with sitting our collective asses in chairs, but the libations were there so all was well.

The movie that we decided to open the afternoon with was called “The Expendables”, and it was a work of friggin ART.

I don’t know about most of you but I remember a formative time in my wonder years that consisted of a steady diet of movies that went “BOOM”. Aliens, either of the first two Terminators (or about 90% of the movies that Arnold was in), the early Batman movies that had Michael Keaton in them, Demolition Man, etc. You could pretty much guarantee that at least once a month some big action movie would come out (Bruce Willis for the WIN in Die Hard 1 &2) of which we would sit in absolute rapt attention, absorbing all of the over the top explosions and gunfire for gunfire’s sake.

You know, real DUDE movies that suspended reality COMPLETELY whilst giving us the destruction and mayhem that all pubescent boys require. Hell, anyone here actually think that the Lethal Weapon movies actually make any sense? I didn’t at the time and could care less, as long as my hero was able to narrowly escape certain death but still win in the end.

Those movies are few and extremely far between in today’s modern cinema, and for some time I felt that loss, that vacuum created from from the lack of movies that go “BOOM”. That is until I watched this movie.

(No spoilers… I think.)

To be honest the movie makes little to no sense as far as plot. The character development is minimal at best and you kind of feel like the cast is a little cluttered with all of those dudes that have effectively starred in their own movies, but were all mashed together for this piece. All in all the movie has the depth of a puddle after a spring shower, so using this movie as any kind of metaphor for something existential would be like commenting on the subtle beauty of a dog falling into a wood chipper.

I would also like to point out that, despite what I said above… the movie was hilarious, the action so over the top that just when you think it has peaked in violence it burst through a glass ceiling you thought wasn’t even there and slaps you like the bitch that you are, and is an all-around romp for the cast involved. The one thing that I did notice about all of these guys on one set together is that it REALLY looked like they were having a good time, like they were all old friends just having a blast doing what they are good at.
-Making a movie that goes “BOOM”.

I hope this movie destroys the box office back home.

(UPDATE: I forgot to mention that the only movie that I could find to follow this one up in pure intensity and insanity was “Ninja Assassin”. Hey, it is gory but I actually liked it.)


About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

3 Responses to Movies that go “BOOM”

  1. Buck says:

    I don’t know about most of you but I remember a formative time in my wonder years that consisted of a steady diet of movies that went “BOOM”.

    Ah. This goes a long way towards explaining my dislike… nay, loathing… of the genre. Being a geezer I was raised in an era where “special effects” were usually marred by seeing the hand and/or wires that moved Godzilla. The willful suspension of disbelief was pretty danged hard to pull off in those days. But then again, my generation had Vincent Price… and he sure as Hell could make any eight year old boy shriek like a little girl. So the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

  2. ~KC~ says:

    The Expendables came out in the summer time and did rather well. I can’t comment on ‘making a killing’ because I wouldn’t call it that… but it did rather well and was well liked for its genre by audience and critic alike.

    Now… a new movie coming up that also looks fantastic with a great cast and makes some things go BOOM… is called “RED” (it’s a spy movie) I am curious about that one and look forward to seeing.

  3. Old Iron says:

    Buck, don’t get me wrong, I also loved all of the Legosi movies as well as any that Price was in (Mask of the Red Death being one of my personal favorites). Hell, I even have seen My Fair Lady and DR. Doolittle thanks to my Dad. Just occasionally though I like a movie that requires absolutely no other response than a drool-laden “awesome!”, and this genre of movies provides that in spades.

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