“…When a gal orders a scotch or a bourbon, I’m pretty much on Orbitz looking for our elopement flights.”

Oh, women and the things they do. As this is a blog that has both a male and female basically running things around here, I would like to propose something a little off our usual well-worn path of pseudo-political commentary and emotionally-charged statements to talk about something I read recently about the things that men love about women. I know, it was another top ten list and possesses the faults of such a limited tool, but the man that wrote it was (as he stated) “…writing to you from the Mariana Trench–level depths of a reasonably significant hangover” which immediately piqued the ol’ interest as he was attempting to push through his softened head and put up encouraging material through the haze.

If you get a chance the article is a fun read, but the point that I would like to donate material on is the “real drink” lover:

I’ve caught some flak for mentioning that a vodka tonic is a shameful drink, and I might back away from it now as I’ve had a few this summer and there is something nice and uncomplicated about them, but as girl drink orders go, they’re a bit unoriginal. But when a woman orders up something brown, I’m all “I will make sure your diamond is not a conflict diamond!” Also, add to this a lady who insists on picking up a round. That’s always great. I have no problem paying (chivalry isn’t dead, according to those Chivas ads), but when a girl is like, “No, you got the first few, Slim, I got this one,” I’m all “My parents will totally help your parents find the right caterer.”

Nothing throws a wrench in my well-thought out planning when wooing a fair maiden more than if she throws a splash of that sweet SWEET brown nectar on ice with a dash of water and presents it, not as my drink of choice, but as hers. I have no qualms admitting that I do cavort with the occasional mixed drink, and yes I have consumed a few of those mockeries that are called “____tinis” while smiling politely and screaming with my eyes, but nothing feels more like home (albeit a more edgeless and warm one) than a good solid single malt over a few cubes of ice with just a splash of water to slow the burn. Large sections of my life have been spent in the pub taking orders for the lads and ladies and coming back with four blue drinks, two cream-based ones and assorted beers to have only one glass even thinking about being a mature beverage and not hide behind a wall of sugar and food coloring.


-But to have a woman consume the same? That would be the most pleasantly intimidating thing I think I will see my entire life. Hasn’t happened yet, but then the moon hasn’t fallen from the sky either… and you never know. Until then, cheers to the mystery woman; may our paths cross in the near future



About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

14 Responses to “…When a gal orders a scotch or a bourbon, I’m pretty much on Orbitz looking for our elopement flights.”

  1. Buck says:

    Your point is well-taken, OI. VERY well-taken. I read the article and I agree with everything said therein (especially about women on mo’sickles; I could go on in THAT space, as the author did not.). But it’s women beer-drinkers who do it for me. Beer, not Coors Light, or Bud Light, or Miller Light… but REAL beer. I used to hang with some women like that… who would fight you over who buys the next round, too… including one co-worker who was a tequila connoisseur. She took me to a bar once upon a time that had over 60 different tequilas on the back-bar… and she proceeded to “instruct” me. They poured us into the cab at the end of the night.

    • ~KC~ says:

      hmmm… you talking about me, Buck???

      I’ve been known to send over pitchers of GOOD beer (not the piss that passes as light beer in a can) to a table full of very good looking men without expectation other than the pure enjoyment of them being wonderful eye candy… buy shots of the good hard stuff when ‘he’ leasts expects it and enjoy the uncomfortable protests the guy puts up over the reach for the tab even before he has a chance to blink. I don’t know what the big deal is about a woman who does that… but apparently it is. While I don’t enjoy my friend’s choice in hard liquor (not a rye or whiskey fan) – I can still remember the cafuffle Old Iron caused when I paid for the tab while he wasn’t watching. And it makes me smile.

      I like making men uncomfortable like that.
      Because it makes me uncomfortable all the time when they pick up the tab for me.
      And I do put up a genuine protest… not that fake assed ‘no no I can get my drinks – I really mean it.
      Fair is fair, n’est-ce-pas?

      • Buck says:

        Well, yeah. You DID cross my mind, KC.

      • ~KC~ says:

        awwhhh… sweet!!!
        Thanks for making my day Buck – you rock the casbah!
        (wow… I crossed someone’s mind for a change… how sweet and flattering – errhhh… as long as it was in a good way!!! hehehe… )

  2. Old Iron says:

    I think the trick is finding one that has those qualities but in the end remains a woman. That she can do a shot line is good, but can she do it in a dress? If she can turn a wrench the more the merrier, but did she put on makeup prior to doing so?

    -If she can do these kick-ass things that I do that would be perfection in a bottle… but can she do it all while still being a woman?

  3. Meghan Leary says:

    Absolutely love the thought that I can snag a fine gent and a non-conflict diamond just buy drinking what I love…whiskey! But seriously, there are more and more ladies who are seeking something richer, something more powerful, something romantic and something organic in their libations… and whiskey is fulfiling that need.

    As author of Whiskey for Women, I continuously educated not only the female consumer on the many options available to them within this wonderful category, but also the account owners and bartenders who are looking to increase service, provide this growing demographic with what they truly want and also increase profits, as the potential for growth in the till is enormous when capitalizing on brown goods.

    Brava for bringing tis topic up…I live it every day! Slainte!

    • Old Iron says:

      I write a post about how a woman drinking whiskey is something that would make me go gaga if I saw it in person… and this woman wrote a BOOK about it!

      Cheers to you Ms. Leary! Pull up a chair (and the obligatory snifter of your finest) and stay awhile.

  4. Fay says:

    I’m a Scotch woman myself, on the rocks, no water.

    Unless I feel like a Remy Martin, straight up, unheated snifter.

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