My Turn

KC and I were recently discussing the fact that she has travelled quite a few times to visit me down in sunny South Florida to cavort in the sun and generally have a good time terrorizing blue hairs and hitting up the pretentious capital of my fair state, South Beach. Drifting into the conversational cocktail came the umpteenth reference to the fact that I have not been up to maple leaf country to spend some time in her environment… and the exchange actually broke from the norm. Our usual banter in reference to this usually goes like this:

KC: You GOTTA come up here! You would love it and you know you enjoy travelling?

Old Iron: Too cold.

KC: But its JULY!!! It warms up here as well during that time!

Old Iron: Don’t you guys have a patent on something called “permafrost”, as in “its so goddamned cold up there it never actually unfreezes”?

-You get the point.

This time was a little different though after I made the (gasp!) decision to not visit family this round and actually, you know, DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF. I decided to actually take the plunge and go up to the Great White North and hang out with my bud to see if in fact all of the stereotypes have some validity. I do swear though that if she rides up on her tamed polar bear to pick me up from the airport… Wait. That would be AWESOME.

KC, I insist that you pick me up from the airport riding a polar bear.

KC Sehzz
So, the average American thinks that Canadians live in log houses (while some do believe we have snow year round, live in igloos and have either dog sled or skidoos as means of transportation), wear flannel, sporting our toques, pay bills as lumberjacks, play hockey day long, drink lots of beer and speak with funny accents, saying things like ‘aboot’ and eh all the time (thank you Bob & Doug McKenzie and to SCTV for perpetuating that stereotype).  The less than average American thinks that Canada is part of Alaska and don’t realize that Alaska is an American state, we drive on the opposite side of road and really have funny monopoly money as our currency.  Trust me – the stories I’ve heard from Border patrol – really doesn’t help in the belief that Americans are rather ignorant of anything non-American.

Then there are the likes of my most wonderful friend, Old Iron.

Old Iron Studying for his Canadian Citizenship

He’s somewhat more worldly than the average American with his international travel having been exposed to the outside world.
HOWEVER… and yes, there is a BUT here… the man believes its cold 365 days a year in Canada.  That the only season in Canada is – Winter.  Well that is if you live in Nunavut and even that isn’t 100% accurate.
So with a little persistence (while he might tell you I nagged him incessantly – the truth is that I really only threatened to give him a good ol’ fashion hockey beat down if he didn’t comply), Old Iron took the plunge and bought his flight to the concrete jungle of Toronto, known as the ‘new capital of cool’… where I will drag his ass around the Toronto/Niagara Falls and SW Ontario regions – if only to prove to him we are not seasonally challenged and we have fun things to do here!
Perhaps his change of heart came about after my telling him about how we had NO SNOW in Vancouver – especially when we needed it the most – like, during the Olympics!!
Or maybe his change of heart came after he read the very funny book “How to be a Canadian” where he was edu-ma-cated in all things Canadiana.
Then there is misguided belief that his decision might have had something to do with lil ol’ me, in my maple syrup glory… his buddy, his off-site partner in crime that doesn’t swing low in the pant… pleading with him to play fair and to just SUCK IT UP BUTTACUPCome to Canada dammit!

Honestly, I am beyond giddy about this!
Excited I am … but now the pressure is on…
With the humidex, temperatures in these here parts can be in the high 30’s well into the 40’s ○C – I know it’s never going to be as hot as African summers – or maybe even his beloved Southern US states.  But understand something here: our blood is thicker than Americans as we need that buffer for those cold winter days/nights.  So when that humidex hits 35-45○C … we bitch and sweat profusely.  The air has been known to be thick – so thick you can cut it with a knife.  No mercy. And yes.  35-40○C is hot.  Trust me.

So I will be doing my voodoo summer goddess dances just for a little intervention so as to not be proven wrong…
And IF Momma Nature decides to torment Old Iron with a gust of coldness – he’ll just have to be Canadian-like and don a toque & flannel lumber jacket like the rest of us!

~ Or, I’ll just have to keep him full of good ol Canadian beer and whiskey, he won’t notice it anyways.  With his beer goggles on, he’ll be too busy looking at all the beautiful Canadian bevies to notice the chill in the air!

Cold or not, the boy will have a good time, even if it kills him, dammit.
Just because I said so.


About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

22 Responses to My Turn

  1. thank you Bob & Doug McKenzie and to SCTV for perpetuating that stereotype)

    I grew up in Bellingham. It’s not a stereotype. At least, not a false one.

    Hope you have a great time, Old Iron. And I agree about the polar bear being awesome.

    • ~KC~ says:

      Oh please! Bellingham – I’ve been there…. and Canadians don’t act hick like!! I’ve met more hick Americans than Canadians!! Come on now!!!

  2. True, I never did see any hick-like Canadians until going on the Boy Scouts bike hike, riding deep into BC past the metropolitan areas. Apart from that all we saw were tourists on their way down to Seattle.

    But…Aboot? Eh? I grew up around that, and plenty of it, long before catching wind of that silly movie. And ZED! Let’s not even get started on Zed.

    None of it looked as silly to us as that metric system, though.

    I really wish our legislature worked like yours, though. Listening to the United States Senate makes me a little nauseous. MPs in Ottawa are just as ready to kill each other but they at least have the common decency to act that way.

    • ~KC~ says:

      What’s wrong with ZED?????!!
      Honestly, the only time I ever hear aboot is when I meet-up with a true East coaster – from the Maritimes or from a northerner (and I mean that – those living in Northern Canada!!)

      But eh – yes we say it. I say it. Maybe not to the regularity that many do, but I do. And I actually – kinda like it!

  3. I’ve been to British Columbia before; Pentiction or some such named town. Beautiful. There was a bear right on the side of the highway. A big one. So. Cool. I was stationed at Whidbey Island NAS at the time, and I distinctly remember freezing my a$$ off one 4th of July there. But. So. Beautiful. And a break from the humidity is just what one needs in the summer.

    Enjoy, Old Iron guy.

    • I missed something. Is this near the Pacific? I thought this was all taking place eastward. Maybe my reading comprehension is slipping.

      • Shoot. I dunno where in Canada that Ms. KC is from. I just saw the reference to Bellingham and assumed it must be British Columbia. And thus added my 2 cents. that is all.


      • ~KC~ says:

        LOL… I was in Vancouver for the Olympics.
        Since those are done I moved back Eastward – now I live above Michigan, not far from Buffalo.
        So Old Iron is flying into Toronto (Ontario) – nowhere near the Pacific! Nope – he’s visiting the Great Lakes region of our great country!

      • I only saw one summer in the Michigan part. Nobody asked, but given a choice between the two I’d pick the Pacific.

        My Dad is still in Bellingham. I called him Saturday, he said he was out in the driveway working on the car and it was EIGHTY. His pleas for sympathy fell on deaf, California ears.

        OK, threadjack over.

  4. Buck says:

    …really have funny monopoly money as our currency.

    Um. KC. You DO have Monopoly Money. Your coins have funny lil animals on ’em (I’m talkin’ moose and beavers, as opposed to cool animals, like eagles) and your currency is all different colors like puce and mauve and stuff. And there’s that girl with the tiara all over EVERYTHING. QED: Monopoly Money.

    Old Iron should go in October. At least you could take him to that circus that used to be a hockey team (i.e., a buncha clowns) currently playing in the Air Canada Center (Hey! Your very own AIRLINE!).

  5. Buck says:

    Forgot: 😀

  6. Fay says:

    That would be the Air Canada Centre, eh, Buck?

  7. Old Iron says:

    -And it is the colour of the money.

    • ~KC~ says:

      Colour we got on our paper and even our coins… I mean we aren’t the only country in the world that does that!

      • Buck says:

        Civilized people are literate, i.e., they can read numbers like “1,” “5,” “10,” etc. They don’t need to go “Oh, yah… that would be a BLUE one!” I can understand colored money in places like Tanzania or Uzbekistan… but y’all speak English. Sorta.

      • ~KC~ says:

        You mean Americans can read? Wow… you very very special now aren’t y’all?
        I guess we just a bunch of hicks then, aren’t we?

      • Uh oh. Do you two need to be separated?

        Buck, the lady does have a point. Our money used to be all sensible-looking and green, with sensibly diminished heads of dead white guys front & center. Now they’re making Benjamin Franklin all big & bug-eyed, offsetting the portraits to the side like QE2, makin’ it look all Facebook-ey. Sort of the “Hello Kitty of Money.” We still have some bragging rights over the Canucks, but they’re on the wane.

      • ~KC~ says:

        Oh god… I was kidding – hope Buck knows that!!
        Sorry if it was taken seriously – it was all sarcastic and playful!

      • Buck says:

        I knew that. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: