July 22, 2010 22 Comments
KC and I were recently discussing the fact that she has travelled quite a few times to visit me down in sunny South Florida to cavort in the sun and generally have a good time terrorizing blue hairs and hitting up the pretentious capital of my fair state, South Beach. Drifting into the conversational cocktail came the umpteenth reference to the fact that I have not been up to maple leaf country to spend some time in her environment… and the exchange actually broke from the norm. Our usual banter in reference to this usually goes like this:
KC: You GOTTA come up here! You would love it and you know you enjoy travelling?
Old Iron: Too cold.
KC: But its JULY!!! It warms up here as well during that time!
Old Iron: Don’t you guys have a patent on something called “permafrost”, as in “its so goddamned cold up there it never actually unfreezes”?
-You get the point.
This time was a little different though after I made the (gasp!) decision to not visit family this round and actually, you know, DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF. I decided to actually take the plunge and go up to the Great White North and hang out with my bud to see if in fact all of the stereotypes have some validity. I do swear though that if she rides up on her tamed polar bear to pick me up from the airport… Wait. That would be AWESOME.
KC, I insist that you pick me up from the airport riding a polar bear.
So, the average American thinks that Canadians live in log houses (while some do believe we have snow year round, live in igloos and have either dog sled or skidoos as means of transportation), wear flannel, sporting our toques, pay bills as lumberjacks, play hockey day long, drink lots of beer and speak with funny accents, saying things like ‘aboot’ and eh all the time (thank you Bob & Doug McKenzie and to SCTV for perpetuating that stereotype). The less than average American thinks that Canada is part of Alaska and don’t realize that Alaska is an American state, we drive on the opposite side of road and really have funny monopoly money as our currency. Trust me – the stories I’ve heard from Border patrol – really doesn’t help in the belief that Americans are rather ignorant of anything non-American.
Then there are the likes of my most wonderful friend, Old Iron.
He’s somewhat more worldly than the average American with his international travel having been exposed to the outside world.
HOWEVER… and yes, there is a BUT here… the man believes its cold 365 days a year in Canada. That the only season in Canada is – Winter. Well that is if you live in Nunavut and even that isn’t 100% accurate.
So with a little persistence (while he might tell you I nagged him incessantly – the truth is that I really only threatened to give him a good ol’ fashion hockey beat down if he didn’t comply), Old Iron took the plunge and bought his flight to the concrete jungle of Toronto, known as the ‘new capital of cool’… where I will drag his ass around the Toronto/Niagara Falls and SW Ontario regions – if only to prove to him we are not seasonally challenged and we have fun things to do here!
Perhaps his change of heart came about after my telling him about how we had NO SNOW in Vancouver – especially when we needed it the most – like, during the Olympics!!
Or maybe his change of heart came after he read the very funny book “How to be a Canadian” where he was edu-ma-cated in all things Canadiana.
Then there is misguided belief that his decision might have had something to do with lil ol’ me, in my maple syrup glory… his buddy, his off-site partner in crime that doesn’t swing low in the pant… pleading with him to play fair and to just SUCK IT UP BUTTACUP! Come to Canada dammit!
Honestly, I am beyond giddy about this!
Excited I am … but now the pressure is on…
With the humidex, temperatures in these here parts can be in the high 30’s well into the 40’s ○C – I know it’s never going to be as hot as African summers – or maybe even his beloved Southern US states. But understand something here: our blood is thicker than Americans as we need that buffer for those cold winter days/nights. So when that humidex hits 35-45○C … we bitch and sweat profusely. The air has been known to be thick – so thick you can cut it with a knife. No mercy. And yes. 35-40○C is hot. Trust me.
So I will be doing my voodoo summer goddess dances just for a little intervention so as to not be proven wrong…
And IF Momma Nature decides to torment Old Iron with a gust of coldness – he’ll just have to be Canadian-like and don a toque & flannel lumber jacket like the rest of us!
~ Or, I’ll just have to keep him full of good ol Canadian beer and whiskey, he won’t notice it anyways. With his beer goggles on, he’ll be too busy looking at all the beautiful Canadian bevies to notice the chill in the air!
Cold or not, the boy will have a good time, even if it kills him, dammit.
Just because I said so.