A conversation with Panic

“Hey, Old Iron!”

“-Look, the last time we talked I ended up beating you with a bat that I had written ‘You can have my bacon and red meat when you pry it from my cold, dead hands’. I’ve had a couple of years to think about this and have decided to back away from the violent response to your fear-based shock drivel and just ignore you unless any of your statements DIRECTLY effect me. Since this new practice has been put into place the ole blood pressure has come down significantly and life has been a bit easier to manage. Take that away from me at your own peril.”

“Alright, ALRIGHT, I get the point. Sheesh, you would think that a man would like to know that if something isn’t done about his consumption of the Earth’s resources then all of this could come to an end even sooner than you think.”

“Panic, what in the LIVING hell are you referring to this time?”

“EVERYTHING man, literally EVERYTHING that you consume that has some basis in a non-renewable resource. Think of it; that watch you have was shaped from materials that were ripped from the womb of Mother Earth, and unlike say a WOODEN watch, exist in only a finite amount my friend. You, through your support of the watch industry… nay, through your support of RIPPING a finite resource out of the bosom of Lady Gia… Some kid in the future will never have that material to enjoy himself. You have damned the future to exist without the materials that might be necessary to their very SURVIVAL through your thoughtless NEED to know the time.”

“It’s a watch fuckwad, not the key ingredient for fucking rainbows.”

“Oh yeah? Well what about that plastic toothpick that you are using? That plastic that was made from hydrocarbons that were BLED from the earth! See, yet ANOTHER resource that is not as renewable as… well, this bone shard that I use in PLACE of your defilement!!!”

“Dude, it is a toothpick, and about your ‘renewable’ slant on my use of it, a new refinery is being designed that is going to use algae to create a substance that can actually be efficiently refined into hydrocarbons, and thus the plastic that my toothpick is composed of. Viola, you have a renewable hydrocarbon that is a brazillion times more efficient power-wise than that BULLSHIT that you guys make and call ‘bio diesel’. Your argument holds about as much water as a sieve that was shot with a 12 gauge repeatedly.”

“Well, you do still know that red meat and bacon are meats that contain some of the highest fat levels, thus their consumption promotes heart disease… Wait… Old Iron, is that the same bat that you used to beat the shit out of me with last time?”

“I added a couple of nails to it. Thought it gave the old thing a bit of class.”







“I TOLD you…”




“…Lay off the red meat and bacon.”





About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

4 Responses to A conversation with Panic

  1. ~KC~ says:

    Wow… you have some pretty violent conversations with yerself… holy!

  2. Old Iron says:

    I can be as violent inside my own head as I want to be 😉

    -This all started when I heard that my company is about to start engineering on one of these algae plants to produce hydrocarbons and it kind of spiraled out of control…

  3. Gordon says:

    Someone else, of my approximate age group, has noted that all his life, doom has been forseen. We were all going to starve, if the chemicals didn’t give us cancer first, or the air pollution didn’t choke us to death. That’s assuming we didn’t die in a nuclear war, die a burning death from acid rain, freeze in the new ice age or nuclear winter (your choice) or drown in the high seas of global warming (plus starve, roast, or die of thirst).

    And yet life is better and longer for everyone.

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