EVACUATE, or how to look like a big group of victims the RIGHT way

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to propose a slight mental exercise to you as a group of fairly-intelligent persons. It should not take long as this slight test involves something that most I know possess in at least minutely measurable quantities, and that is a little gift called common sense.

Before the cluster f*ck...

I, to announce again, work in Nigeria. Now I don’t know what you have actually heard about the place outside of some prince trying to move 6.8 brazillion dollars out of his country and he needs to just BORROW your bank account in the states for like 5 minutes to allow him to do so, but it is a pretty tough place. Not Baghdad 2003 “Allah Ackbar!!!” tough, but tough none the less in a machete hacking, RPG firing kinda way. This is actually the only place that I have ever heard of outside of Somalia that has institutionalized terrorism, and due to this they like to just get all destructive, especially towards the oil industry of which I am a direct participant in. With this information out of the way I would like to mention that in order to address this security concern there was an evacuation process that has been introduced, and this past Sunday we executed the “muster and accountability” section out behind our living quarters, which is supposed to be the stage that is sandwiched between the “OH FUCK THEY ARE SHOOTING AT US, HIDE!” section and the part where we actually evacuate. At this point in the ACTUAL process you would assume that the environment, although slightly less dangerous than the time during the kick-off incident, would still be spicy enough to require that there is some sort of protection provided in the way of a hardened structure or even concrete barriers (we used bunkers in Iraq) in the area that the muster was to take place. Maybe that is just me thinking out loud but I know that I would feel a hell of alot better if something like that was in place… but alas, this is not to be.

So ladies and gents, allow me to let you in on the one thought that popped into my head when I saw this:

And now, to my left...

And to my right...

…Shoot a little, scare them, because shortly afterwards you have them all in one place.

-Saves on the ammunition.

Pretty effective tactic if I wanted to eliminate the entire top management and senior staff of the job in one convenient fell swoop.

Sometimes it sucks when my brain works.

Africa is FUN!!!!!


About Old Iron
I'm just a guy that works overseas alot and likes to play just as hard as I work. Been to a FEW countries, know a shitload of people all over, and generally have a good time wherever I go. -Oh, and I am currently in between girlfriends, and strangely enough and perfectly happy with that status. In the long run hookers are cheaper. Take my word on that.

8 Responses to EVACUATE, or how to look like a big group of victims the RIGHT way

  1. Cdn_Relic says:

    wow, no shit eh? Someone was really thinking with this plan of action!

  2. houndofdoom says:

    Jeez, it looks like a map from Left 4 Dead 2. If your evac authority is called CEDA, I’d be very, very afraid!

    I’ve got a friend working on an irrigation project in Kenya. Small(ish) world.

  3. Gordon says:

    Having been through various drills and exercises for Uncle Sam, I know that one of the reasons we did them was to figure out what worked, and what didn’t. I can only hope, for your sake, that someone higher up saw what you did, and is now figuring out a better way.

  4. Old Iron says:

    We will see. Probably not though…

  5. Buck says:

    What Gordon said. I hope he’s right for your sake, Old Iron. And for the rest of your crew, as well.

  6. Old Iron says:

    Thanks for the concerns guys, but this project is WAY to vital to the local area income-wise for them to ever do anything really serious. They like to shake the spears occasionally but all in all it is kind of a secure site.

    • ~KC~ says:

      Riots where buildings are burnt down and expats are beaten to a pulp doesn’t equate to anything really serious in Nigeria… LOL. Desensitized one becomes!

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