The Topic: Transition
September 1, 2009 2 Comments
-So I was outside talking to a colleague of mine who is a little older than myself about the usual nonsense that a work site with 99.9999% dudes on it talk about, and the conversation turned to a individual’s female target group and their associated defining factors. Now this is a slight insight into the male psyche so please bear with me and any offense that is taken by any of the information contained within are completely intended because I HATE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS WERE CIRCUS SIDESHOW FREAKS, but he has said that he prefers women that meet certain criteria. They are of course, simple; she has to be older, in the age range of 38-45, and has to have what he calls a “horse face”, or a woman that has an oval-shaped face and not a round one. Hey, women have their own criteria that is much similar to our own, so I don’t want to hear it.
Nope, SHUT IT.
-Back to the subject at hand though: I came into this line of conversation talking about the age of the last one that I dated (a ripe old wizened 23) and that is when it hit me; I feel like, in this respect, I am in a transition phase. I am still at a point in my life where the younger ones are fairly easy to attain, but from my experience the ones that are below the age of about 29 just have too much development to undergo for them to be mentally functional and mature. They just have too much life to experience, too much hurt, joy, pain and pleasure to discover that you just get the feeling that you have been over all of that and just don’t want to take the time to deal with their eccentricities or their incessant need to experience shit that you have already covered and covered again. My personal view on it is “WOMAN, catch up!!!” I mean don’t get me wrong, there is a certain appeal to having a young, nubile woman chasing after you and doting on like a wet puppy on you and your life experiences, but if a lack of equality and a feeling of superiority is what you are looking for, you need to work in a prison as a guard. You’ll get plenty of that crap.
Limestone Correctional is hiring I hear.
So like I said there is this feeling of transition going on, and it is not all bad… except for one thing. You get your technique down for one; you polish it, you work it until it fits all situations…. and then you realize that you are going to have to change literally your whole approach. Not that it really is a bad thing, as I heard that there learnin’ be darn good and proper thing for a Lordly man to be doin’, but this is unfamiliar territory.
-Should be fun.
Any thoughts KC?
Transitions… especially AFTER the ending of any kind of relationship. Transitions is THE theme in my life! And as much as I initially thought “OH YEAH – I TOTALLY AGREE…” reality set in and past experience tells me to think twice about going back to that thought process.
Let me explain. I’ve always dated older men, with the exception of a few odd ones here and there. Not purposefully… it just happened that way. Honestly – usually younger men bore me. Mostly for the same reason as Old Iron claimed of younger women. Boys rarely graduate to manhood, let alone guyhood until much later in life, unless of course, life dealt them a few blows that would dictate otherwise. I digress.
OK… so here’s the deal from this woman’s perspective, about dating an older guy.
I have a father. I don’t need nor want another one. The one I have is handful enough, thank you very much.
My experience is that they like to tell you how to do EVERYTHING. Mostly, they LOVE to tell how wrong you are in everything you do… even if you’ve done it your entire life and done it well. It appears as though its ingrained in their ‘set-in-their-ways’ methodology: I AM MAN, HERE ME ROAR. Choke on it buddy.
Of course… it’s a whole: I’ve been there, done that syndrome. You, the younger woman dating this older guy, didn’t ask for his opinion either. Oh – and even better is the whole: I KNOW how to please a woman – you don’t need to tell them how. Nope. They got that down pat… which probably explains why they are single… just taking a wild guess here. You are THE pleaser afterall.
Now I’m not talking about the ‘twice-your-age‘ men. I’m going to say even men 5 years older than yourself have this strangeness about them, maybe to a lesser extent but its still there! But mostly – when you date men in their late 30s ++ … they are either entering their midlife crisis, or in women’s term: Men-o-pause. OK. So maybe that’s a term I like to use, putting emphasis wherever you need it to be. You become a sort of conquest, a novelty of sorts. Or you are now too old (I’m 35 yrs old – much too old for many a man) to become a novelty but old enough to play mommy to his now part time kid, where he has no idea how to raise or simply be with. Hey… as long as you look good on the back of his midlife crisis motorcycle or in the front seat of his red or yellow convertible Corvette. Just be prepared to pay for your own meals because you must be liberated enough to not want the man for his money… but hear about how a MAN should pay for the meals. Ugh. Contradiction at its best. Its dating a Man-in-pause.
Look. I won’t get into the whole dating younger – 5++ years younger than yourself. A babysitter to a cocky S.O.B. I am not. Eye-candy he might be, but too much candy can give you cavities. Stamina or not.
So here’s what I’m thinking. That happy medium, if there is such a thing, really is to find someone who you can relate to, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. LOL… is it someone younger, same age give or take a few, or older… who the hell knows. I just know there are no answers. Each relationship ending, regardless of how good or bad it was, opens you up to new opportunities, which of course brings you back to that transition phase. Some of us have just chosen to stay in that transition stage for a little longer than others.
I haven’t decided if he has to have an oval face with a squared off jaw. The older I get, that changes with circumstances and environment. Right about now, I would settle for compatibility, and one that comes with far fewer compromises to my life. And that in itself, is interesting enough.